


SnK/Aot Imagines

by BastardEmpress



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 06:33:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17575700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BastardEmpress/pseuds/BastardEmpress
Summary: After looking over this website, I decided that there were not enough books for this amazing anime, so I decided to start one!





	1. Justifiable Sorrow, Unjustifiable Guilt - Levi Ackerman

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of major angst warning here folks, not gonna lie. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are only our minds revealing internal pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major angst warning for this one folks, not going to lie. I hope you all enjoy!

In her line of work, intense scenes of violence were to be expected. She was a Corporal in the Survey Corps, the leader of one of the most elite teams of titan killing soldiers in the world, and as such had been witness to the worst things in life. After so many years under the patch of the wings of freedom, one would think that she had grown accustomed to seeing such atrocities. However, as she lay in bed, (Y/N)'s mind couldn't help but torment her with graphic depictions of all those she couldn't save, their final cries for help echoing through her sleeping mind. It wasn't exactly uncommon for (Y/N) to have nightmares like this, but it had been a while since the young woman was exposed to one so severe. Her cries of fear and anguish slowly grew louder, her tossing and turning finally resulting in her throwing herself off the bed. It was the sound of her body hitting the ground that caused Levi to come running. He had been a room away the entire time, the wall between his office and their bedroom being the only thing separating the two. Lost in his paperwork, he had missed the small whimpers that left her lips as her brain tortured her with images of past tragedies. However, a loud thud was enough to send the man sprinting towards his room, grey eyes glinting with fear for what sight might befall him.

Throwing open his bedroom door, a soft gasp escaped the man’s lips as his eyes came to rest on her body. Her skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, causing the shirt she had borrowed from him to cling to her frame. She was on her side on the cold, stone floor. Her legs were pulled to her chest, hands clenched so tightly into fists that her knuckled had turned white. Her usually well-kept hair was a frizzled mess, a few strands attached to her forehead from the sweat. Her eyes were squeezed shut rather tightly though, even from his position across the room, he could tell that she was crying, soft tears slipping down her flushed cheeks as whimpers and whines of fear and anguish escaped her lips. Every few seconds her body would convulse violently, sharp breaths racking her strong but small frame. She was in more pain that he had ever seen her in, her vulnerability growing by the second. Moving quickly, Levi made his way to her, kneeling next to her on her floor. In one smooth, quick motion he lifted her up, wrapping his arms around her torso and pulling her to his chest. The motion pulled (Y/N) out of her slumber, a cry of confusion falling from her lips as she looked around the room, body still shaking as her hands instinctively curled into his shirt. With a firm but gentle hand, Levi grabbed the side of her face, turning her head so she was looking at him. Their eyes locking, he laid his forehead on hers, his breathing keeping an even pace as he tightened his arms grip on her.

No words were spoken, none needed to be, for they both knew what had happened. It wasn't the first time one of them had suffered something like this, not that it made the experience any less damning. Her breathing slowly returning to normal, (Y/N) couldn't help but let out a small whimper. She was awake, free from the hellish dreamscape, but in a way, the reality of all of this hurt a bit worse. Large tears rolled from her (E/C) eyes as they stared into his grey orbs, searching for any shred of evidence that she truly was awake. As if her could read her mind, Levi tilted his head down, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. It was an uncharacteristic display of emotion, a soft side of the usually cold Corporal reserved for only his private moments with her. Few knew that he was capable of such emotion, but in this moment of doubt, it succeeded in bringing (Y/N) back to reality. One of her hands released its iron grip on his shirt, reaching up to gently caress his face as she deepened the kiss, savoring the taste of his lips against hers. The kiss lasted longer than it normally would have, only ending when (Y/N) pulled back to take a breath, positioning herself in a way that their foreheads were touching again. The two stayed that way for a moment, savoring the seconds shared between them. It was his voice that broke the silence, deep and monotonous, yet filled with concern.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Her teeth clamped down on her lower lip, her eyes sinking to the ground to avoid his gaze. She had never really opened about everything that had happened. It was an unspoken rule of sorts between them, what happened outside of headquarters was not to be spoken about once they returned. The horrors of the outside world were all too real for both of them, their professions bringing them dangerously close to death on many occasions. Instead of dwelling on it in their sparse moments alone together, the couple preferred to simply block it out, focusing on making whatever time they had left count. It wasn't the healthiest way to deal with things, but for the most part it had worked. Now though, as she stared down at the stone floor she rested on, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel herself cracking, the weight of all those missions hitting her at once. When she spoke again, her voice was a mere whisper, emotion causing it to break every few syllables.

"It was Silas, Elodie, Hannah and Carmen. We were back in Trost, trying to help clear out the titans that were left in the district. W-we were heading back when it hit us, a fifteen-meter abnormal. I was carrying up the rear, I didn't want anything to hit us while our backs were turned. I never expected the fucker to come at us from the front..." Her voice trailed off as tears welled up in her eyes. Everything in her mind screamed for her to stop, begging her to silence the tale and, in turn, reliving the memories that came with it. She wanted nothing more than to just collapse into his arms and cry, but the words had started, tumbling out of her mouth like water into the sea. Nothing could stop them. She continued, her pace quickening as her breathing began to hitch slightly. "Carmen was in the front, it tore her to pieces before any of us could move. I ordered them to retreat but Silas...well, Silas didn't hear me, or he just didn't listen. He flew at the damn thing, screaming about how he was going to cut it into pieces. It moved so fast, faster than anything I've ever seen Levi, faster than you. It grabbed him right out of the air. He was screaming and begging Elodie, Hannah and I to come save him. We tried, I tried to get to him but there wasn't any time. I-it tore him in half, he was still screaming when he hit the ground." The tears were falling now, pouring from her eyes as she continued to recount her tale, the anguish and anger in her voice growing by the second. "Elodie, Hannah and I tried to hide, but the damn thing just kept finding us and we were running out of fuel. Hannah got separated from us in the fray and it started going after her. I tried to distract it, but the fucking thing was too fast. It hit me, shattered my blade and took me to the ground. That's why it took me so long to get back, I was in the infirmary for three fucking days with medics picking shards of metal out of my left leg and side. It completely busted one of my ODM gears, I was bleeding and trapped. It was going to kill me, and I knew it. I ordered Elodie to go while she still could, to get back to the wall and get reinforcements but she didn't listen. She got in front it and stabbed one of its eyes, she drew it away down another street. I tried to save her but with my gear that fucked up I wasn't as fast as I normally am. By the time I got in the air she was-the damn thing was already chewing her. Hannah saw me and tried to get to me. I told her to stay back, I was screaming at her to just get back to the wall, but she didn't fucking listen. It crushed her in a second, shoved her in its mouth and shattered her skull before I could do anything." Fury now running through her veins, hot tears dropping on the floor below her. (Y/N) was not usually like this, she was a strong and disciplined individual, but all that control fled from her mind as the memory of her closest friend being crushed by the teeth of a titan flashed behind her eyes. "They gave me a head start. I made it back to the wall just in time to tell Erwin about the abnormal, I didn't wake up for a few days after that...It should have been me, Levi. I should have been the one who died."

"No." Levi's cool voice rang out, echoing lightly around the room.

Moving her head slightly, (Y/N) locked eyes with him, fiery (E/C) meeting steely grey. Emotion still raging through her she spoke again, her voice raising in volume with each word. "I should have been in the front; a leader never lets someone more inexperienced lead. I should have been the one to jump forward when Carmen died. I should have been the one to distract the fucking thing. I had more experience than any of them, over a decade in the field and nearly forty solo kills. I should have been able to stop it. But I couldn't, I watched them die and it's all my fucking fault!" She was yelling now, the passion in her voice causing the pitch to raise slightly. Anyone in the surrounding rooms could hear her, but (Y/N) didn't care. Nothing mattered now, nothing but the truth. "They were my squad, I was assigned to protect them, and I didn't! I made a stupid mistake and let myself get hurt while they died around me! Elodie was only twenty, she was basically a baby! Her mother died of a heart attack two days after I gave her the patch because she couldn't handle the grief of her daughter being dead! Carmen was married to someone in the MP, it took three men to keep her husband from throwing himself off Wall Rose when he found out what had happened! Silas was a father, he has a five-year-old girl and a baby boy, barely a month old. Do you have any idea what it's like to have to tell a little girl that her daddy was never going to come home? To hand her a bloodstained patch while her mother and baby brother are screaming and crying behind her?! He never even got the chance to see his son and now he's dead and that baby is going to grow up with no father because of me! Hannah was only a few years younger than me, she was more than just my teammate. We would spend hours just talking about her crush on Erwin and what we would do when all this shit was over. She didn't even have anyone for me to give a patch too, she's gone and soon I'll be the only one who remembers her...I was their commander, their leader. I was the one who trained them, who helped them get their first assist kills. I am the one who told them that I would protect them and now they're all fucking dead and it should be the other way around! I'm the one who deserves to be dead!"

Levi roughly cut her off by slamming his lips into hers, his hands moving to cup her face tightly as he growled against her lips, anger and passion flooding from him. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes, a look of intensity she had only seen in the heat of battle gracing his stoic features as his piercing gaze seemed to glare into her very soul. "You're fucking wrong! We thought that all the abnormals had been cleared out before your team was sent in. You were given incorrect information from your superiors, that is why the titan was able to surprise you. You stayed in the back because you have the most experience, you made a judgement call, a good judgement call. I helped train your squad, had anyone else been heading up the rear you all would have died in an attack, none of them were observant enough to hold that position. Carmen was out of your hands, there was nothing anyone could have done. Silas, Hannah and Elodie disobeyed direct orders from their leader. You were badly injured, running out of fuel and time. You did the absolute best that you could with the situation in front of you!" His voice was rising now, well over the usual volume the man usually spoke, his eyes unblinking as he stared into hers. "You know what, I'm happy that they did what they did. They didn't deserve to die, they were good soldiers and people, the world is less bright without them. But had they done anything differently, it's very likely that I would be holding a patch instead of you right now and you know what? I couldn't fucking handle that. I understand that you're upset, it is justifiable in every aspect, but do not let your justifiable sorrow turn into unjustifiable guilt. You did nothing wrong. You did your duty as a soldier and you came home to me, that's all that fucking matters. I have lost everyone in my life that I care about, everything that I love dies and there is nothing I can do to fucking stop it. You have been through hell and I do not intend to make you keep going through it alone, but don't you fucking dare say it should have been you. Don't be so damn selfish. This world needs you, the Corps needs you, _I need you._ " His voice broke and a lone tear fell from his eyes, trailing down his flushed cheek and falling to the floor.

She had never seen him like this, in all their years together as friends and lovers she had never seen such intense emotion in his face. It broke her heart, seeing him in so much pain, knowing she was the one who caused it. "Levi..." Her voice was a hoarse whisper, pain etched into every syllable. 

Another tear escaped his eye, his constantly stoic façade breaking as fear and sorrow filled his eyes. "I love you, (Y/N), more than I should, more than I'm ever willing to admit. I-I need you, I can't go through all this alone, not again. I know that you'll never forget what happened but please, stop blaming yourself."

Her words catching in her throat, she would only manage a simple nod. Relief flooding his features, Levi pulled her into his chest, burying his face in the crook of her neck as a soft sob racked his body. (Y/N) wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his dark hair as more tears cascaded down her face. The two of them stayed like that for the rest of the night. No more words were spoken, neither dared to move, both afraid to disturb the peace around them in any way. It wouldn't last forever. Soon morning would come, the sun would rise, and they would be forced back out into the harsh world surrounding them. Levi would continue to fill out the never-ending stream of paperwork and (Y/N) would work on finding cadets for her new squad, both of them lying in wait until they were asked to venture outside the relative comfort of headquarters, risking their lives in yet another attempt to make the world a bit safer. It was only a matter of time before they were torn apart, metaphorically by distance and duties or physically by the monsters they devoted their lives to destroying. In this moment though, they were together, they were safely wrapped in each other’s embrace, their hearts beating together, savoring the sounds of each other’s breaths. They were together, they were alive, and that was more than enough of a reason to keep living.


	2. Only Memories - Erwin Smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human brain is able to capture more footage than any camera, storing the most precious moments away as fond memories. Though, in the end, are memories enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, MAJOR angst warning here guys. Also, mild warning for a mention of sexual activity. I hope you all enjoy!  
> (Also, totally forgot to mention this in the first chapter, but if you all would like to send in requests that is totally fine with me! I do have specific personal guidelines that I follow when writing, so not all would be accepted. However, I want to make sure that you are all enjoying reading this just as much as I enjoy writing it. So, if you want to request something specific, please send it in!)

Time had stopped, the world had come to an end, the titans had taken over and humanity was lost. At least, that's how it felt to Erwin as he sat at his desk, surrounded by a small group of soldiers, holding the torn and bloodied patch of the person he loved most in the world. His icy blue eyes were locked on the piece of fabric in his hand, his mind becoming more frantic with each passing second. This couldn't be happening, not to him, not to her.

"Commander..." The tall blonde woman in front of him said softly, reaching out to touch his hand. Erwin immediately drew back, his body reacting as if she had just tried to stab him. The girl pulled her hand back quickly, a dark blush covering her face as she turned it towards the ground. She spoke again, remorse piercing each word. "I'm so sorry Commander, we never wanted this to happen." 

Erwin's eyes narrowed and he stood, stalking forward towards the girl. Raising his hand, he swiftly slapped the girl, sending her to the ground in a pile of tears. Such an action on any other day would have shocked everyone in the camp. The level-headed man Erwin was, he had never raised a hand to one of his subordinates, preferring methods of punishment that didn't involve any sort of unnecessary physical pain. Today though, this was different, as no amount of physical pain he could inflict could ever match the emotional turmoil in his mind. The faces of the individuals around him all gave him the same look of pity, it sickened him. These people, these monsters. They were the reason that she was gone, that he was alone, and they dared to look at him with any sort of pity. They didn't deserve that privilege. Turning away from the four cadets, Erwin pulled the patch to his chest, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He shouldn't have let her go...

* * *

_"(Y/N)?"  The girl turned her head towards him, a small smile gracing her plump lips as their eyes met. He had to fight back the urge to match it. It was always like this when she was around, her happiness was just too alluring. The way her lips contorted when she smiled, the way her eyes lit up when she laughed, it was the most intoxicating thing in the world to him. Everything in Erwin wanted to match her expression, to simply allow himself to be taken over by the woman he loved and the joy she brought into his life. Tonight though, tonight he had to remain serious, it was the only way to convince her to change her mind._

_A light laugh left her lips as she looked over his face, her eyes cataloging every inch of it. She rolled over so that her body was facing him, the sheet clinging to her naked form as she did so. Reaching out her hand, she brushed a piece of hair out his face, her gorgeous (E/C) irises sparkling with amusement. "I swear, you look so cute when you're trying to be serious." Her melodic voice drifted through the air, stirring something deep within him. Erwin had always considered himself to be a strong man, but in her hands, he was putty, willingly shaping into whatever she wanted or needed him to be. "I hope you aren't going to attempt to use the amazing sex we just had as an excuse to get me out of the mission tomorrow. Hate to break it to you, but we've been down that road before and, if last time is any indication of the future, it isn't going to work."_

_The crease between his eyebrow deepened as he looked over her face, how could she be so calm at a time like this? Doing his best to keep his voice level, Erwin spoke, pulling out the authoritative tone he used with new recruits. "(Y/N), it's exceptionally dangerous."_

_A light giggle passed through her lips as her eyes locked onto his, glinting with amusement. "Well duh, of course it's dangerous, everything we do is dangerous."_

_"(Y/N), I'm being serious here. This isn't just a basic kill run. This is a recon mission outside of the walls, you'll be in uncharted territory with only your squadron for months. Most of the people that are sent on these types of expeditions never come back. It's a huge risk, one that I'm not comfortable with my fiancé taking."_

_"Well then, just refer to me by my title of Captain and it'll be fine."_

_Erwin let out an annoyed grunt, sitting up in bed as he did so. Reaching over, he cupped her face lightly with his hand, forcing her to stop her flirtatious teasing and focus on him. "(Y/N), stop it with the jokes, I'm being serious here."_

_"Erwin, so am I. I'm a Captain in the Survey Corps, I've served under the wings for quite a few years now and I have a respectable number of kills under my belt. Our branch has been asked to take a special trip outside the walls by the King himself and, being that I am currently the only Captain with a whole squadron at headquarters, I accepted. I don't see what all the fuss is about."_

_"(Y/N), I've sent hundreds of men out on these missions and it always ends the same way. They're gone for a few months, only for one man to ride back here carrying patches or for the next expedition to find their bodies. Even Levi's team couldn’t make it back whole. This is a very serious situation and as your Commander and future husband it's something that I would prefer you stay very far aw-" His rant was cut off by her pushing his head down and catching his lips with her own, drawing him into a sweet kiss. It lasted only for a moment, (Y/N) pulling back with a small, reassuring smile on her face._

_"Erwin, I love you, and for the entirety of our relationship I have respected every order you've given me as a Commander. But baby, this isn't the Commander part of you talking." A soft sigh escaped her lips as she reached out her hand, intertwining her fingers with his. "I have an advanced team of cadets, top of their class, their skills are unmatched among others their age and experience level. Along with that, I have years of training, both in and off the field. I know you're worried. Hell, I would be lying if I said that going outside the walls without you didn't make me a bit nervous, but we don't have a choice. Either I go, or you send out a group of rookies that are going to die before they take their first step, which I know will destroy you...You know me Erwin, I'm not reckless. I'll be careful, it'll be a quick job. In-and-out, two months will go by and it'll be like I never left."_

_He wanted to protest, to fight her, to tie her to the bed and lock her in the room until the backup group was so far away that there was no way she could catch up to them. He wanted to protect her, but looking into her eyes, he knew that she was right. As always, she was right, and her mind was made up. Sighing heavily, he leaned down, pressing a firm kiss to her forehead before resuming his position in bed, pulling her tightly to his chest. There was no more time to argue, it wasn't worth wasting the time he had left with her. She would be gone by the time the sun rose tomorrow, every minute they had together now counted._

* * *

"C-Commander, please...please talk to us." Erwin turned his head slowly, his eyes looking over the four individuals sniveling before him. They were pathetic creatures, groveling in their own self-pity, crying for an individual they killed. Pivoting on his feet, Erwin swiftly walked over to the boy that addressed him, grabbing him by his collar and shoving him against the wall. Anger filled him as he looked into the fear filled, green eyes of the maggot squirming beneath him.

"Why?" Erwin growled, his eyes narrowing as more and more fury filled his body. "Why should I talk to you? You, and your coward friends. You weak, pitiful excuses for human beings. You were her closest allies, she trusted you with her life. All she did was tell everyone who would take the time to listen about her amazing squadron, about her perfect group of prodigies. She took you under her wing when you were nothing but puny trainees, she trained you, she cared for you. And you, you groveling little worms repaid that debt by running at the first sign of danger. You left her alone in a sea of titans to die for you."

"Sir, please! We didn't want to run! They came at us from all sides, we were going to be surrounded. We wanted to fight, we tried to help her! Captain (Y-"

Erwin cut the boy off, jabbing his fist into his side, hearing the satisfying sound of air flying out of his lungs. Releasing the boy from his grip, Erwin took a step back, watching as the cadet slid down the wall, hands clutching at his wounded side as he wheezed loudly.

"How dare you. You've lost the right to say her name, you lost that right the moment you turned tail and ran, leaving your Captain alone on the battlefield. Filth don't deserve to say a hero's name." Turning his head, Erwin’s steely blue eyes cast over the others, his satisfaction rising as they looked away from him in fear. They should look away. After what they had done, they had no right to meet his eye. "All of you, get out of my office. I don't want to see your faces again. You'll be leaving tonight, you have an hour to pack. I don't care where you go, but if I ever see your faces again, I'll turn you into the Military Police for treason."

The small, mousy haired girl stepped towards him, tears falling from her whiskey colored eyes. "Please Commander, don't do this. This isn't what she would have wanted!"

Erwin rounded on her, physically restraining himself from raising a hand to her. Mia had always been (Y/N)'s favorite, the sight of her crying would have brought the woman of his dreams to tears. Looking at the girl now though, all he could feel was disgust.

"Is that a fact Mia? Because, as far as I can't tell at least, none of us will ever know what she would have wanted, considering the fact that she's dead!" The small girl visibly flinched, jumping back as if he had just slapped her. Turning away from them, Erwin walked over towards his desk, attempting to calm himself down. "My decision is final, Hange will be waiting to escort you out of headquarters. Leave." 

The sound of footsteps echoed through his small office, each of the cadets slowly making their way out of the room. Erwin gripped the side of the desk tightly, his resolve slowly falling apart. The moment the door clicked shut, he lost it. Falling to his knees, a barrage of tears cascaded from his eyes, soaking his cloak as a scream of anguish pushed its way out of his throat. He never should have trusted her alone with them, they were children, they knew nothing of war. He should have gone with them. He should have been there to protect her, to hold her in her last moments. She was the love of his life, the one person in the world he couldn't imagine living without.

He could still remember the day he had proposed to her, the sparkling tears of happiness cascading down her perfect face as he slipped the ring onto her finger, their comrades clapping and hollering as he lifter her up, pressing a passionate kiss to her lips. She was the only thing he had ever wanted, the reason he fought to destroy the titans. It wasn't his title or his need to protect humanity that motivated him to stay alive, it was the need to return home and see her smiling face, to taste and feel her lips as they pressed against his, to feel the warmth of her smooth skin as she slept next to him. For so many years she had been his everything, and now, now she was nothing. The only thing he had left of her was a piece of cheap fabric and a small lifetime of memories. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt his breathing begin to speed up, his heart, racing in his chest. He should have pulled her off that damn horse when he had the chance...

* * *

_"I laid out extra rations and medical supplies for you, Levi was supposed to make sure you got them. The cadets have been taking extra care of the horses for the past few weeks, so they shouldn't be any trouble. That wagon is absolutely terrible though, I told Mike to fix it up but I'm not sure if he-"_

_"Oh my walls Erwin, will you stop freaking out for a second and breath?" (Y/N) cried, turning and giving the man behind her a teasing glare. "Everything is fine. Levi handed the rations and medical supplies off to Mia and Jonah this morning, they are in my saddlebags. Nikolai and Caroline have been working on the wagon for the past few hours. They fixed the wheel and it pulls just fine. We have enough extra blades for a small army, and my mini-me has been studying any and all charted areas outside the wall so we're sure that we go to the right spot. Everyone is fed. Everyone is healthy. Everyone is ready to kick some titan booty. Now the only thing I need to do before I leave is make sure you aren't going to hyperventilate the second I get out of the gate."_

_The look she was giving him was meant to be teasingly reassuring, but all he could feel was fear as he looked her over. Why was she insisting on doing this, on putting them through this hell? Putting his usual rules about public affection aside, Erwin grabbed her shoulders, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug. "Please don't do this (Y/N), there's still plenty of time for you to back out. There's at least an hour before sunrise, I could easily assemble a team to send out."_

_"Erwin, baby we talked about this, I have t-"_

_"No, you don't! You don't have to go out there! You don't have to put yourself at risk!" He was begging now, almost resorting to dropping to his knees and groveling at her feet. He would do anything, no matter how demining or foolish, if it meant that she would abandon this deadly mission and come back to bed with him._

_Pushing herself away from his chest, she stood on her toes, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "I love you Erwin."_

_With that, she turned on her heel, straightening her cloak as she made her way over to her horse. The cadets were already in place, Caroline and Mia where whispering to each other as they shared the bench of the wagon. Nikolai and Jonah each gave her a firm salute from the backs of their horses. Returning the salute, (Y/N) put her foot in the stirrup of the tawny stallion she had affectionately named Corporal Shorty, a poke at Levi that had caused the man to give her the silent treatment for a week. She lifted herself onto the horse, settling gracefully into the saddle, her (H/C) hair lightly flowing around her face in the breeze. She looked back at him, shooting him one last smile before she gave the command to open the gate, riding out into the fields, her loyal cadets following closely behind. In that moment, she was beautiful, a regal warrior on her way to defend humanity from the bloodthirsty monsters that threatened to wipe them out. Yet, as she disappeared into the darkness and the gates closed behind her, Erwin felt a pang of regret run through his chest. He hadn't said it back._

* * *

Over a month had passed since (Y/N)'s death and nothing was the same. Her cadets had been escorted out of headquarters, their former comrades now regarding them as traitors. Caroline and Nikolai had transferred to the Garrison, choosing to live a simple life on the walls. Jonah had original gone to the Military Police, but he had quit after a week, choosing instead to go back to his family's province and live as a commoner. (Y/N)'s favorite, her so called mini-me, Mia, had gone missing a few days after she returned to her parents’ home. Her whereabouts were unknown, but most suspected that she had committed suicide, the guilt of leaving her Captain behind driving her to take her own life.

Head Quarters weren't the same either. Hange had lost some of her spark, Mike was more reserved the normal, spending most of his time in his room. Even Levi seemed to be taking it hard, the loss of his favorite sparring partner putting the short man in a never-ending state of pissed off. The castle just seemed darker without her presence, especially when it came to Erwin. The man had all but unraveled. He had begun to neglect his duties, letting the paperwork pile up on his desk while he lay in his bed, the bloodstained patch clutched in his hand as he drowned his sorrows in whiskey. He was pitiful, a shell of the great Commander he had once been. He stunk of filth and alcohol, only leaving his bed when he had to use the restroom or find another bottle to ease his pain. He had begun to avoid eating, going days without food, only letting himself satiate his  hunger when Hange shoved it down his throat.

He knew that (Y/N) would be ashamed of the thing he had become, she never would have wanted any of this to happen. Had she been there, she would have dragged everyone out of their rooms, piling them in the kitchen for a 'family meeting', pestering them all until they were back to their normal selves. (Y/N) had always been the glue of the Corps, her maternal and playful nature fusing the different personalities of those around her together. Erwin had previously believed that he was the charismatic leader and that she was his anchor, keeping him grounded whenever things got out of hand. Now that she was gone, the truth came to light. Erwin was nothing without her, a husk of a human with no discernable value. He was weak, worthless. He hadn't even had the strength to tell her how much she meant to him before she rode off that morning. He had been stupid, he had lulled himself into a sense of false security, and now he was paying the price. He was alone, forced to keep living without her. The only thing that kept him going was the memories, the flashes of her face and voice constantly playing through his head. They were the only reason he hadn't ended it the moment he found out she was gone and, slowly, they beginning to run out. The light of his life, the woman who had made him everything he was had been lost to time. Only memories remained, slowly fading away in his whiskey clogged brain, disappearing along with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I flooded my damn dorm room writing this. I was crying so damn hard. I promise that the next one will be happier because my emotional ass can not take another super sad ending.

**Author's Note:**

> I only cried slightly when writing this.


End file.
